im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
