around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You were trust falling into bushes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
