he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
