My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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