she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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