guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
