You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
