I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
