i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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