you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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