Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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