Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I did not marry a roomba.
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