i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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