You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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