dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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