Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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