my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
