Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
