I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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