hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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