a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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