Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
