hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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