FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize