dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
