We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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