He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
