You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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