My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
