are you so shy because you have an std?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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