he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
