You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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