Can i not drive my cunt home
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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