Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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