And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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