How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
