She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
