I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
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I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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