Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
