walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
