When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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