Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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