He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We are all done wearing pants today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
