I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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