It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and she was petting her beer can
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
