Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
