Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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