The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
