She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
