I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
