I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
