I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
