textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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