i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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