The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
