i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We had to coat check the pizza.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
