I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
