1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
