well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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