whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
"it" just moved
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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