I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize