At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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