dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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