farters have to be the big spoon...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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